I miss your goatee

I never jerked off to you

I was tempted to tonight

I thought about you in your muscle shirt

And how I wanted to put my mouth on your nipple

Caress it with my tongue

How I heard the rumors about your doings in a men's room stall

And wished I could have met you there

Slid my dick under the wall

And feel your mouth all over it

But I didn't

Your thoughts came twenty years too late for any of that

About fifteen years too late to find you

And tell you how much I wanted it to happen

Ten years too late to still find you alive

A lifetime too late to be with you at all

In that way

In any way I really wished

Beyond some laughs and Saturday Night Live

And that scene we thought we'd joke about for months

That we never talked about again

I don't think I've ever been more tempted to

To scratch that itch to pull at those nerves

To grab your memory by the shoulders and pull you onto me

To make me cum calling your name

Just to cry alone

I almost did

I wanted to

I want to now

But it's just too late

And you never cared

Not like that

Not that I know of

I lost you twenty years ago

When you closed that door and said goodbye

And I walked home as it was getting dark

Was it raining?

I don't remember

I remember you didn't want me around anymore

I remember wanting you forever

And no one else has been you

And no one else will be you

And I still wish I could hold you by your head and open your lips with mine

And feel you fuck and buck in your bed

And know what it felt like to feel you let go with me

And no one else has been you

And everyone else has tried

The less than a handful, at least

I'm not good at getting what I want

You taught me that

I wish these memories were there with you

Buried

Or burned and interred

I don't know

Your obituary didn't say

I wish your family had found a clearer picture of you

But you still look beautiful

Just the way I remember you

Maybe a little younger

I still remember your voice

It plays in my head when I accidentally talk to you

I wish I could get it to stop

But I haven't let go of it since

I miss your goatee

** This is from a collection of poems I have been writing throughout the month of May, 2025, and may not reflect the day in May that it was written on.